I've been meditating a lot more these days. And while speaking with God, I was shown the proper illustration of where my faith is right now. Trust me, it'll make sense further in this post.
For our honeymoon, my husband and I went to Cancun, Mexico. It was such a beautiful experience, and I hope to go back soon! Now me and my husband are both adventurous people, so we knew right away that we were not going to stay on the resort everyday. So we booked an excursion toward the end of our trip.
The excursion that we booked entailed driving ATVs through a forest, as well as, zip-lining into water, zip-lining over the trees, and snorkeling in a cave. Definitely outside of our comfort zones, but nothing too crazy to where we couldn't give the activities a try.
After driving the ATVs through the forest, we arrived at our second activity: zip-lining into a large body of water. Now my husband had never zip-lined before, but I had, so I encouraged him to give it a try. We both cannot swim, but our tour guide instructed those who could not swim, or could barely swim to strap up in safety vests. And there would be a lifeguard near the water just in case of an emergency.
I chose to go before my husband to show him that there was nothing to fear. And after I saw a few people without live vests go, some of my own hesitations had went away. The course was very short. We were not harnessed because we had to drop into the water, which was new to me. I've only zip-lined courses with no water being involved. But regardless of those facts, I knew I had to be courageous for my husband, who is very skeptical of heights.
We were instructed to hold on to the bars that were attached to the zip line, and run off of the platform. Once the platform ran out, you would dangle above the water and had to drop at a certain point to prevent slamming into the other side of the cliff we were on. As one would think, running was the easy part, letting go was also easy because you had no choice.
So I did just that. I ran, and then I let go. I remember during the drop, my eyes were closed just in case there was a splash. Once my body submerged into the cold water, I felt my body sinking. Now let's pause here...I've used life jackets before, and from my experience my body has barely even sunk into the water while wearing one, I would literally be floating on the water. That did NOT happen in this case.
I felt my body sinking, and knowing I couldn't swim I began to panic. Water entered my nose and I began to splash to indicate that I needed help. Water then filled my mouth, and it made it harder to yell for help. I opened my eyes as much as I could to see if anyone was responding. But I couldn't see anyone swimming towards me. I began to try pulling my body above the water while continuing to splash, and I yelled, "help!" In my head I knew I was going to drown. I felt like I wasn't breathing.
Finally, after what seemed to me as 5 whole minutes, the lifeguard jumped in to grab me, and bring me to land. I had to climb a ladder to get back onto the land, and right there was my husband standing, smiling at me. He held me and told me that I scared the hell out of him, but he was glad that I was okay. I told him I was sinking, and that the life jacket did not work! He held my shoulders, and looked me in my eyes. He said, "You were fine." I looked at him as if he wasn't speaking English. "What do you mean I was fine? I almost drowned!" He smiled at me and said, "No babe, your head was above the water the whole time." At this point, I know my face was twisted up in all kind of ways. "Babe, I couldn't breathe! The water was getting in my mouth and everything- I was about to drown!" And then he started laughing. "Babe, you did that! You were splashing the water in your own face." I looked at him and began laughing, "Are you serious?" I asked him.
After, the experience, I was still able to convince my husband to zip-line as well. Instead of going by himself, he went with a professional swimmer. And he in return encouraged me to go two more times with a professional swimmer as well.
You're probably wondering how in the world does this story equate to faith, but stay with me here.
I create my own waves, to where I feel like I'm not going to make it.
While praying and listening to "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)" by Hillsong, I could not get this experience out of my head. I realized that I have not been exercising my faith, just how I wasn't that day in Cancun, when I thought I was going to drown.
Like I said before, the easy part was running off of that platform, and letting go. The hard part was trusting in the safety vest that I had on. Had I dropped into that water and had faith in my vest, like the other participants after me, I would not have had a panic attack. No matter if you feel your body sinking into the water, the safety vest, will still pull through with it's function, which is to keep you safe.
And honestly, that's where I am with my faith right now. I follow God's plan for me, so I run off the platform, and let go into the water, and his protection is surrounding me, but I still feel like I'm drowning. Why? Because, I don't trust Him completely. And so as soon as something looks impossible, or I feel my body sinking, I forget that His protection, or the safety vest is there, and I create my own waves, to where I feel like I'm not going to make it.
This revelation reminds me of the scripture Matthew 14:22-33, the story of Jesus instructing Peter to walk to Him on water. A lot of people only pay attention to the miracle of Jesus walking on water, which is understandable, because it is such an awesome thing to read. But very few focus on the fact that Jesus instructed Peter to come to Him. And Peter got out of the boat and did so, however, once he felt the wind he became afraid and began to sink. Jesus saved him, but Peter never got to finish what Jesus instructed him because of his fear.
So I'm going to pose this question; Would you have walked? I keep thinking of my experience in Cancun. I see myself on the beach, and Jesus standing in the middle of the ocean. He instructs me to come to Him- to walk on water. And who knows, maybe once I get to Him all of my dreams will be fulfilled, all of my questions answered, all of the heartache gone. But knowing me, and where I am right now, I would look at Him and say, "But I can't swim." Which would really hurt. I'm just being honest with ya'll. Would you walk to Jesus? I can imagine, looking at the big, deep ocean- so deep that it's depths can never be exactly measured, and being afraid to walk onto it. Being so focused on drowning, instead of Jesus.
Honestly, I'm not there yet. But how can one get there?
I think of my relationship with my husband. When I first met him, I did not trust him. Which is normal for anyone meeting a perfect stranger. But through quality time, I began to trust him, because I began to know him. His characteristics, his intentions- pretty much everything! And it's dawned on me...that's what I need to do with my relationship with God. I mean, how can you trust someone you barely know?
Please comment below! I really hope this touches the right person!