I've been searching for a change in my hair for majority of 2014. I've wanted to dye it, cut it, loc it, straighten it- but I'll save you the long list, and summarize the indecisiveness concerning my hair. It all started when I returned from studying in Buenos Aires. I missed my fall semester of my senior year in college, and many were anticipating my return. With my friends and family welcoming me back home plus romantic endeavors that failed miserably, I was ready for a change. I wanted to return for my last semester new and improved. And the only thing I was open to changing was my hair.
Originally, I wanted to become a weave queen. You know, wear long luxurious hair weave to have more length. I had been natural for almost three years and everyone knew me to either wear my afro or braids. But, because of my limited budget, hair weave was NOT the move. So I searched for another change, and what was that change, you ask? None other than, color.
My past experience with color actually influenced me to go natural due to extreme damage. This was the main reason why I was scared to dye my hair. As well as, not knowing what color would compliment the texture of my hair and my skin complexion. But after a pep talk with my sister to take the risk, I decided to go through with it. And so I went to the salon and asked for an ombre style (subtle change). I left the salon with really-blonde, kind-of-blonde and almost honey-blonde ombre hair (wonderful description, right?). And I fell in love with it. But within four months I would be bored, once again.
After coloring my hair, I didn't experience much growth. My hair was not breaking off, or seemed damaged in any way, it was just stagnant. And so I began researching ways to grow my hair out. That's when I began flirting with the idea of loc'ing my hair. I spoke about the possibility of loc'ing my hair before with my brother, who has had locs for years. I then turned to social media platforms, mainly Tumblr and Instagram to seek out lovely female inspiration. That is when I found the beautiful locs of @patience_edet (pictured above). The size, length, color and upkeep of her locs made me want to loc my hair right then and there, but I was very hesitant about it. Why? First, I was in a small, predominantly white town and had no idea who would be able to start my locs for me. Second, my graduation was in May and I wanted to have a straight hairstyle and not starter locs. So, after graduation, and plenty of researching, I decided to begin my own locs that summer.
That lasted for almost two months. I loved my starter locs; I loved their potential, the color, and the new journey BUT I felt very insecure. My afro was never flowing down my back, but I had enough length to where I felt comfortable. And my locs were shorter than that and made me feel uncomfortable. But before taking my locs down I opted for twisting my hair with Marley hair instead. After taking the twists down, my locs looked so thin and unattractive in my eyes. I could not style them in any way that I liked. So I took them down.
Afraid that taking down my starter locs may have caused some damage, my next hair venture was short hair. I've always had an infatuation with short hair. It's modelesque, low maintenance and edgy. And I wanted something like that. I spent weeks looking up potential hairstyles and regimens for tapered haircuts. But, I ended up scaring myself out of it. I mentioned the idea to some guy "friends" and they expressed to me that short hair isn't that attractive. I also thought that maintaining a tapered haircut may be more high maintenance than the length I currently had.
And so there I was, stuck with the same hairstyle. Searching for change, yet, completely afraid of it. That's when I stumbled upon Vicky Logan's Youtube channel. A completely natural hair and makeup guru who had a marvelous bob haircut. All of a sudden, my dream of having short, edgy hair came alive again. But before I marched over to a hair salon to achieve this style, I tested myself to see if I could maintain straight hair, without chemically processing my tresses. And that, was a fail.
So now, I sit here, still with no dramatic change to my hair. I currently have a protective style that I love, and I'm convincing myself to grow my hair out. We'll see how long it will be until my next hair venture.
Is anyone else afraid of change, concerning their hair? Or is it just me?